The Domino Effect Of A Woman
by klcm
Summary: They all thought she was just moving on after Battle, when in fact she wasn't, she was just running from it
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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Who could have thought that one piece of metal would change my life forever.

How one bullet would wound me beyond repair. Take away a bit of me each and every time I caught a glimpse of the scar in the mirror.

It'd be that one thing that hallowed me out, made my rose coloured spectacles fall and shatter forever, and be irreparable.

All because of me, my fault alone, did I push them away, push him away. They were there to help me, but for the 'love' of a man I pushed them away so I could feel loved and whole as a man caressed me and made love to me.

I still did long hours, I still said things I shouldn't have but none of that mattered because when it came to going out with the team or showing any involvement I'd given up. Unknowingly, cowardly given up on everything that made me Penelope Garcia.

If there's one thing I hate. It's loneliness.

Now the team don't bother to try anymore and Kevin took a job to Timbuktu and now loneliness is all I see.

And it's all my fault.

Only I'm to blame for this.

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_**A/N:**_ Flip side to The Domino Effect Of A Man....

Shall be angsty! No major hurt! BUT enjoy!


	2. Loneliness Preludes

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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She watched them leave together again, she was locking up and not one of them came up to see her, not one took a second look at her, so she continued to struggle with her bags and laptop, trying to lock her door until someone took the keys.

'I'll do it for you Penny.' Kevin said and Penelope stood up wordlessly as he locked her door. 'We need to talk.'

'Oh.'

'At yours... I've got my own car so I'll meet you there.'

'Oh, okay.' She responded and didn't know how to take it. 'I just need to take these into the bullpen and I'll head home.'

'Okay, I'll be at yours at about 8ish.'

'Okay.' She said and watched him walk off, she then just did what she needed and then headed for the elevator. She stood waiting, trying to keep her mind from what the night was going to entail, she stepped forward as the doors open but smacked into Derek. 'Oh, sorry.' She said meekly and tucked a curl behind her ear.

'No problem Garcia.' He said detached and continued where he was going, she looked slightly behind her before climbing into the lift and hitting the basement button.

'_Hey Garcia you up for a night out?'_

'_No thanks guys, I got a date with Kevin.' Penelope replied smiling._

'_Again? That's the 7__th__ week running.'_

'_Sorry guys, but he's something special I guess.' She responded but even she wasn't going to kid anyone. She was going on continual dates so that she'd feel wanted. It'd only been a 3 months since the shooting and she was over powering herself with Kevin Lynch._

'_Well I suppose we'll see you around.'_

'_Yeah.' Penelope said and quickly slipped away to her car, ignoring their glares._

She still remembered how the invites became less and less each week; how she tried to fill herself with the love that Kevin could offer her, to make her feel alive because without it all that filled her was the dwindling feeling that Battle had left her with.

She still remembered the night that Derek had brought her home from the hospital, how he'd held her as she froze at the blood stain on the stairs, the stain that still marred the steps of her apartment block. She remembered how they'd thrown banter around and he'd told her she needed her rest and she told him to go, she had the goon squad. She still remembered how he stood there and told her he didn't care if there was a goon squad or not, he was not leaving her alone until Battle was caught and then she remember all too vividly how he'd told her he loved her.

Of course any fickle fool looking on would've told her that she could've had Derek Morgan, after all he told her he loved her but she didn't want to go too far in. Didn't want to jump into the deep end, didn't want to become a notch in a bedpost, didn't want to be Derek Morgan's next triumphant, didn't want to be left heartbroken when he opened his eyes to what Penelope really looked like. When she didn't amount to the stick thin blondes that danced perfectly smooth and had no inhibitions or woes to their body shape, when she didn't look like the women that Derek could get. When he finally realised she was just plain Garcia.

So she shielded her heart with Kevin Lynch, someone she was admittedly drawn to but someone she wouldn't be able to love like she loved Derek and that was the killer in it all. It was the one thing she'd always keep but always the one thing that'd keep her from moving on.

She got into her car and just stared out of the window screen, she looked to her left when she saw movement and saw Derek. He walked past her car and she wiped her eyes. Derek looked at Penelope and saw she was crying but he couldn't just go running to her, he'd told her he loved her and she'd repaid with going to another man and to make matters even better, she blanked them, she didn't flirt with him, she didn't smile when he tried, she just didn't bother with him anymore and for that she'd have to earn him back.

Penelope pulled out of her parking space and drove past Derek as he finally got closer to his SUV, she didn't take another look at him, she didn't stop, she just went home, parked up and waited for Kevin.

30 minutes later she watched Kevin pass her apartment, he looked stressed, looked like something was cutting him up.

'I don't think we should continue this.' He told her and halted. 'It wasn't right to start something with you so soon after what happened. It wasn't fair to assume you'd be in the right frame of mind.'

'Kevin it's been 6 months, I've moved on.

'But have you?' Kevin asked her point blank. 'I mean really? Because the way I see it, is that you haven't.' She watched him pace more, before he stopped and looked her dead in the eyes. 'Did you know you call out for Derek in your sleep?'

'Excuse me?'

'When you're having nightmares, you scream for Derek, never me but always him. I just think you need to see someone, talk about what happened. Get your head straightened out.'

'Are you saying you think I'm messed up?'

'Not entirely but come on Pen, you were shot on the steps of you apartment and then you're going out with me, and you call for another man in your sleep... it's not normal and I can't keep doing it, if anyone you should be calling for me in your sleep. I'm the one here.' Kevin took Penelope's expression and silence as response enough. 'I would still like your friendship.'

'Get out.' Penelope mumbled as her world seemed to crash and perspective of what she'd done in the 6 months settled.

'Penny?'

'Don't, just go Kevin, leave now.'

'I'm sorry Pen.'

'Just. Go.' She told him as her emotions began to fountain. Kevin did as she asked and left the apartment rapidly. Penelope shook as she stood there, her head spinning, she was never her normal self with the team, she wasn't Penelope Garcia anymore, Battle had torn that right out from under her and now she had to live with it, live with herself.

She had to deal with herself as she was, she'd pushed away everyone that meant anything to her and all because she thought she was doing right. She felt angered, wondering why the team hadn't stepped in and tried to sort her errors out but she then realised they had. Each and every one of them had tried to help her and every time she told them she was busy with Kevin.

Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.

Now Kevin was gone, the team were gone, and Penelope was left with the wreckage that was her life. She placed a hand on her fresh scar and once again wished that it'd just killed her that fateful night.


	3. Reality Of It All

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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The alarm rang out unnecessarily the next morning, Penelope hadn't slept to be woken up, she'd spent the night in random bouts of tears after the first round of dreams plagued her with even more remembrance and errors.

She hauled herself out of the bed and went for a cold shower, realising when she was dressed and ready that she had too much time on her hands she decided to go to work early, fill up her time that way, distract herself. She skipped breakfast that morning, she wasn't hungry and she wasn't in the mood to be the eccentric Garcia anymore. She couldn't build that wall anymore and she didn't see a point.

Pulling into a space, she bit her lip, Derek was there and it was like some form of torture. Hurriedly she grabbed her bag and headed for elevator. Derek had seen her and frowned it was too early for her to be in, he watched her get out, her hair hung freely, and if he had to admit it, limply and her normal dress attire was missing. He didn't realise she owned anything remotely near drab. Again his heart yearned for her but his head held him back. All he knew was that he needed to talk to her, not hold back, but give her the ugly truth.

He raced after her and flew into the awaiting elevator with her, she looked down, left, anywhere but at Derek so after a couple of moments silent, the only noise being the elevator shaft he learnt across and stopped it altogether.

'What are you doing?' Penelope asked, her vibrancy and normal Penelope Garcia was only a slight hint.

'We need to talk.'

'Thought I'd royally screwed that chance.' She muttered under her breath, more to herself than him.

'How have been holding up Penelope?'

'Just fine.'

'That's bull shit and you know it.' Penelope turned to him shocked, stunned almost. 'You know you've been well off being Penelope Garcia for months.'

'Well getting shot does that.'

'Yeah, don't we all know it? It didn't just affect you. For months we've stood by, seeing as helping you failed us, that's all we could do after you drove the wedge between us all, making us 6 against 1... You know you've hurt a lot of people with your actions, with your little love fest.'

'Like it matters.' She snapped back and she could feel the lack of sleep now wrecking revenge.

'Like it matters?' Derek retorted in disbelief. 'Maybe we should've been more forceful but it's a 2 way thing. We don't know you anymore Garcia; you're not the same Penelope we love, far from it.' He said and pushed the button to restart the elevator and silence descended.

When the doors opened, Penelope stepped out. 'Seems one tiny piece of metal really does more than kill someone.' She said and stalked off to her office, leaving Derek to stand and stare at her words.

Penelope near enough sunk into her workload, praying it'd swallow her and be done with it. She didn't leave for food or drink she was too preoccupied, she just worked and roll round 5 she got up and left and headed for the nearest bar.

It wasn't just to forget about life, it was for courage so she could scrub the bloodstain that haunted her.

Sitting at the bar she really did wallow in self pity, she'd destroyed her life from the inside out. She was drinking strong, going through double vodka like there'd be no tomorrow and she couldn't care less. She looked over at the door and saw a new group of punters, except to this lot she ducked her head and ignored them, the team had just streamed in and they all looked ready for a break and a wind down.

For Hotch and Rossi that usually meant a scotch and a good chat, for JJ and Emily it usually meant tempting Reid with one extra drink and a dance and for Derek it always meant that he'd pick up another leggy female that could bend and flex. The whole idea tore her heart to shreds once more.

'Garcia?' She heard her name get called and didn't like the wariness to it, as though the person shouldn't really be calling out to her. She looked down the bar, and saw the Derek, he smiled somewhat awkwardly at her and she rose her glass before downing it, when she looked back she saw him gone and then he was next to her. 'Drowning your sorrows?'

'What's it to you?' She asked somewhat slurred and mumbled, and rattled the ice in the glass, the bar tender just refilled the glass for her.

'You're alone in a bar doing neat vodka, doesn't take a scientist. Why don't you come and join us?'

'Because that's not what they want and to be honest I need to go live my nightmare of a life and that involves cleaning.' She said and downed the drink without a flinch.

'Cleaning?' He said stopping her getting up. 'I don't understand?'

'What's there to understand Derek?' Penelope asked him, her eyes brimming and he saw them glistening in the light in the bar. 'I'm a screw up, I got myself shot, I lost what I had, so I better go face the music.'

'Baby you're confusing me.' He told her and he stood shocked, he'd let baby slip out and he knew it didn't feel wrong. 'Explain to me... please.'

'Call all those glasses there, not just a self pity party but my way of getting a front up to deal with my nightmares.' She said a tear fell so she released herself from his grasp. 'Live a good life Derek.' She told him and left the bar. Derek shook his head, something was bugging him. He turned and walked to the table.

'Drinks?'

'We have other issues.'

'Like?'

'Penelope.' Everyone sighed; they didn't want that worry, even though Hotch and Rossi's body language told him to continue, Emily, Reid and JJ's told them otherwise and made him uncomfortable. 'I know she's been a bit off course.'

'A bit.' Emily snorted.

'Okay well off course and out of line with the way she's spoken to us but I just found her at the bar downing neat vodka.' Derek watched Hotch run his hands over his face, he didn't want a relapse of Elle but it seemed they were heading for it. 'Problem is, she was being pretty cryptic with what she was doing.'

'Cryptic?' Rossi asked sitting forward.

'She told me that she's a screw up, got herself shot and lost what she had and now she was going to face the music.'

'Nothing cryptic there.'

Derek shook his head. 'She had at least 5 glasses in front of her, plus she must've been getting refills in one and she said it was a way to get a front up to deal with her nightmares... she said they weren't all for her pity party and then she said she had to live her nightmare and that involved cleaning.'

'Anything else?'

'I'm just worried, she told me to live a good life... what if she's going to do something stupid?'

'She won't.'

'I stopped the elevator earlier with her in it, as she got out she told me that a piece of metal does more than kill a person.'

'I think this calls for us to sort this mess out.'

'Hotch.' Emily started. 'You can't be for real; she's blanked up for the last couple of months and now because she's having a downer we all jump.'

'Em, he's right... she was shot...'

'Yeah and she went and had an EVAL and passed... so what she did was rude.'

'We all know how to pass an EVAL Prentiss.' Rossi told her point blank and she knew then he was right. 'I think you find our friend pushed us away because of everything Battle left her with.' He then headed out to the door, Derek closely followed, the others following in pursuit.

Penelope tried her hardest to scrub the marking away, but it wouldn't budge, no matter how hard she scrubbed the stain was there permanently so she scrubbed harder and her fingers were numb from holding the brush so hard but she couldn't care, she didn't care, her nails were broken and had splinters in she wanted the mark gone.

So she continued to stay there knelt, while she scrubbed, images of herself filled her mind, remembering the pain, the fear, the dread, the loss, the slow ebb of life as it fled her body from that bullet hole in her chest. The bullet might have not hit her heart but it'd truly affected it.

'Baby girl.' Derek called out as he entered the court yard and saw Penelope on her knees, desperately scrubbing as though her life depended on it. His heart broke, this was cleaning she was on about. 'Pen...'

It was then that all they heard as the angry scrubbing stopped was a painful sob ringing out.


	4. Heart Of The Matter

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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That was it for Derek, he'd stood on the side lines for long enough, tried to keep his feelings aside but now the sound of her crying was slowly killing him. He ran up to her and slowly wrapped his arms around her, she was shaking, he could tell it wasn't from the crying.

'Come on Baby Girl, let's get you in.'

'I can't.'

'You can.' He told her back.

'It needs to be gone but it isn't shifting. I want it gone.' She said as she tried to scrub the patch again.

Derek grabbed her hands and pulled them and pushed them to her chest as he moved forward. 'It doesn't need to doing now, we'll get someone in to do it.'

'It needs to be gone.' Penelope whispered. 'I can't live with it there.'

'Talk to me Baby Girl.' Derek said knowing they weren't going to move her for a moment. 'Tell me everything that's going on in that pretty head of yours.'

'Why are you being nice to me?' She asked meekly and more tears poured from her eyes. 'You shouldn't be nice to me, I'm a horrible person.'

'No you're not, but we're here to help you.' He told her and placed his hands either side of her face, pushing the tears away as they fell. 'Now come on... spill.'

'I've pushed you away and now I've got nothing but memories and nightmares and...' She looked at the stairs. 'Him.' She said and the trembling began and the tears made her hiccup. 'I wish he'd just finished the job.' She said and looked down. 'I've never felt so alone for 6 months.'

'How do you mean?' Hotch said taking a seat next to her on the pavement. 'How could you feel alone?'

'Yeah you have Kevin.'

She shook her head slowly. 'I had you lot too but it wasn't enough, I feel so scared all the time and nothing fulfils me. I'm just existing for the sake of it and I don't want to any longer.'

'Why didn't you say anything?' Hotch said placing a hand on her shoulder.

'It was hard to...' She looked down again, avoiding eye contact. 'Hard to seeing as I brought it on myself, it was my fault, it was all down to me that he planned it all, every step he had it planned.' She sniffed and Derek put a finger to her chin and lifted her head up to wipe the tears. 'I'm so sorry.'

'Come on Penelope let's get you upstairs, it looks like you need a good night sleep.' Hotch told her and stood up. 'When was the last night you slept fully?' Penelope shrugged. 'Penelope?'

'Before Battle.'

'Right Derek, get her in and upstairs.' Hotch ordered and turned to the team, they all stood there, silence had taken them, Emily and JJ stood near tears, they'd all woken up to why Penelope had been like she was. He looked behind him as Penelope and Derek disappeared into the building. 'Dave, we need to set up a psychiatrist appointment first thing in the morning.'

'Don't you think it's beyond that?'

'No I just think we've missed that Penelope's been suffering from PTSD.'

'It'd explain a lot.'

'The start of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder doesn't have to happen directly after trauma, it could be months or weeks. Usually within the 6 month period after, it happened within Penelope's 6 months.' Reid jumped in, his mouth and mind working well at last.

'What are the classical symptoms of it?'

'Depression, anxiety, guilt over the trauma. There consists three parts of PTSD, the first is flashbacks and nightmares, it's safe to say that Penelope's evidently been suffering them. Secondly, avoidance and numbing, she's obviously been finding herself reliving it over and over again and I'm guessing Penelope fells like it's happening all over again, even day dreams about it without wanting to.' Reid told them and their faces dropped. 'And thirdly, being on guard, the sufferer cannot relax, and from the way Penelope's been holding herself, the way her body language has been its clear to say she's anything but relaxed, as well, problems sleeping can occur.'

'Are there any physiological symptoms?'

'Quite a few but they don't seem to be experienced opening so we'd need to see what Penelope says.'

'Okay, well we can do that.'

'The suddenness and unexpected side of it probably made it worse for Penelope, she was in an area of knowing, she was familiar with him and here, she'd been out for a meal, she'd spent time with Battle.' Reid told them and they all nodded with acknowledgement. 'Now psychotherapy and medication might be the best help for her, its been months since she started to show the signs. She's real deep.'

Hotch looked at the others in front of him and saw multiple emotions playing up. 'I know it's late and if you don't want to here then you don't have to stay but I'm going to stay the night and first thing I'm going to help Penelope, but it's your choice.' He told them and turned and grabbed the bucket and scrubbing brush and headed inside.

Derek had left Penelope on the bed; he'd gone to get her aspirin and water to ready her from the come down from her vodka high. He'd been astounded with the apartment when walked in; she'd boxed up all her little souvenirs and left the boxes in the corner, now the place was dramatically stark in comparison.

He looked at Penelope as he walked in, her head ducked, her posture defeated and his heart broke. It couldn't have been all her fault that she shut down and he knew there was a bigger card playing. He'd heard Hotch mention PTSD as they slowly started to climb the stairs and he knew that could well be it and if it was that then they'd all failed to notice it.

They were all in a job where they had to put victims into positions where psychological help would be needed but all because Penelope passed her EVAL no one questioned the possibility of such a thing. So Penelope continued to spiral while they just thought she was loving a man.

'Do you wanna know why I went with Kevin?'

'It can wait P.' Derek told her and she shook her head so he sat next to her. 'Why did you go with him?' If Derek had to admit it, it still stung that she'd gone with him after he told her he loved her.

'I wanted to feel loved but you, I...' She shook her head in frustration this time. 'Why did you tell me you loved me?'

Derek was shocked, his breathing picked up and neither of them acknowledged Hotch entering. 'Because it was the truth.' He said and took her hand; he looked at Penelope's face and saw the tears.

'I so wanted to love you, start with you what I started with Kevin but I was scared that you'd wake up one morning look at me and see what the world see's.'

Derek's heart clenched. 'I do see what the world see's.'

'So you realise I'm fat, short, four eyed and plain ole Garcia... I'm not leggy, I'm not slender, I'm not pretty like the girls you get usually so I didn't want to be like them. End up as your last week shag or something.'

'You think I'd do that to you?' He sat closer, putting an arm around her shoulder. 'I told you I loved you because I do, I want a future with you. I want you to be mine. Before I checked my phone that night, I was in church asking for guidance on a whole load of stuff in my life. One was how I was ever gonna tell you exactly how I felt. Then my whole world crashed and burned down around me. I was losing my baby girl; she was fighting for her life while I was sitting in a church praying.' He lifted her face to stare at him. 'I'm always going to love you baby, nothing can stop that but just please believe me that I want you for life not for a couple of days.'


	5. Stepping In

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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The team stood around, Penelope was finally asleep after much hesitation and now Derek was looking around her things to see if there were any signs that she was self harming or nearing that part of the problem. He failed to show up with anything until he got into the bathroom. There in the window sill was pot after pot; he gathered them all up feeling disappointed with himself and went into the kitchen.

'Look at these.' He said and put them all down. 'They're all mostly for anxiety and there's a few sedatives there.'

'None of these are to treat PSTD.' Reid said looking them over. 'Dated 3 months back.' He said and picked it up. 'This one's dated the day she had her EVAL.' Reid said, they all remembered that day; the stress of not having her at work had left them that day. 'She isn't being treated for PSTD directly.'

'So there's nothing helping the problem.'

'No it's all hindering them.'

'So what do we do?'

'I know what I want to.' Derek said and went to the corner, he grabbed a box, put it on the couch and then opened it, pulling out all the photo's and mementos that she'd just hidden away. He pulled the photos of the team and looked at each of them. 'I think we need to make this place like it used to be.'

Rossi just wordlessly went and grabbed another box, Reid and Hotch followed and grabbed the last remaining boxes. Then JJ and Emily just got stuck in with pulling bits and pieces out of the boxes and setting them back into their rightful places. All of them just worked quietly, knowing that there was no real door to Penelope's room, just a wall of hanging beads to separate the rooms.

When they were on the last box, a muffling was heard, as they listened in they realised it was muffling, it was crying, a slight name calling and struggled breathing. Derek acknowledged what the noise was first and shot into the bedroom, Penelope's closed eyes were streaming with tears and her chest heaved with strangled breathing, her lips murmured his name. He gently climbed on the bed and ran a hand around her face.

'Pen... its Derek; I need you to wake up for me Baby Girl.' He soothed and she shot up and pushed herself against the headboard, her hand on her chest where the bullet entered, she looked from him with wide scared eyes and then looked at the team and felt exposed. Derek sensed it and caught her just as she crumpled. 'I've got you.'

'Don't let me go.' She said as she just sobbed into his chest.

'Not until you're ready.' He said and sat with her curled into her side, him resting against the headboard, facing the others now. Slowly one by one they all sat around on the bed, Penelope's crying didn't seem to seize for them, it continued. In Derek's arms Penelope found the comfort she needed and with each new dip she didn't feel so alone and so much like she'd lost. She didn't know how long she was there but she was opening her eyes, she must've fallen asleep in Derek's arms, Emily and JJ were curled upon the bed with them and Hotch, Rossi and Reid were strewn around the floor.

She tried to pull herself out of Derek's grasp but she felt him tighten. 'You're not going anywhere, we need to talk.'

'Why didn't you go home?'

'We're needed here, you slept well.' She nodded and managed to free herself enough to wipe the sleep from her eyes before. 'Why didn't you just show us the prescription meds you were on?'

'There wasn't a point, they helped until I needed another dose, they numbed me, numbed everything about that night but over the months they just didn't help at all so I started with the sedatives but the nightmares got worse so I stopped and the nightmares just continued.'

'Didn't you think of going to see someone?'

'I didn't realise I needed to until Kevin told me to the other day, sad thing is, is that even with him around I was still calling out for you in my dreams.'

'He told you that?'

'One of the reasons he broke it off with me.' She said and looked down at her hands. 'I've really screwed this up haven't I?' She asked and looked at Emily and JJ. 'I mean, you're my family and I just didn't do what you're supposed to do with families and in the end I lost.'

'But if you'd lost would we all be here right now?' Derek asked her and looked down at her. 'We could've easily have left you down on those steps but we couldn't because Baby Girl, we love you, always have, we just got annoyed and felt neglected that you'd just drop us from your life like you did.'

'I honestly don't know why I did, it wasn't a conscious effort.'

'Hotch thinks you're suffering post traumatic stress.' Derek confided in her then. 'Reid's pretty convinced too, and P, you are showing a lot of the signs.'

'But it was months ago.'

'Doesn't matter, it doesn't have to happen directly after, something triggered it and then everything came to ahead, and I'm guessing Kevin leaving opened your eyes and made it worse, hence the drinking and the cleaning.'

'I just want that stain gone.'

'Maybe you need to move, get a fresh start.' She nodded at him and he pulled her close. 'You don't have to stay here, nothing's tying you here, but you know it's going to be a constant reminder for you.'

'I guess my heads not really been where it's suppose to be lately.' She wiped her face with her hands, and just took his hand in hers. 'I needed this... thank you.'

'I want you back to normal Baby Girl, we have lost time to make up for and I want what we both want, I want you as mine Baby Girl, but not until you're better and I want you to be comfortable.'

'Can I just stay here forever?'

Derek shot her a look. 'I don't think so.'

'It's just feels perfect right now, with them here, and you here and for once I feel like Battle didn't win, that I really did survive him.'

'That's because you did baby, you continued to breathe long after he stopped and you need to remember that if you ever need help then you only have to ask for it.'

'I think I get that now.'

'Good... can you make me a promise?' She nodded to him. 'Ask us for help, even if its just a teeny tiny problem, ask us, let us in, that's what we're here for.'

'Okay.' She said and sucked in a breath. 'Will you help me get help to get over this? I want my old life back, my life before Battle, my life before our argument.'

'Of course I can.' He said and kissed her temple. 'Can you see why I reacted like I did now?' He asked and saw that she was slowly putting the pieces together. 'It's because I was jealous, you were going on a date and it wasn't with me. It hurt me and I had no right to be hurt, you didn't know how I felt. Does that prove to you how much I love you?'

'I think so.' She said and looked up at him, her eyes holding a different sparkle to them.

'How about after this?' He said and kissed her, and as he slowly pulled away he saw her eyes still closed and her mouth curled into a simple pleased smile. 'I love you, just remember that okay?'

'Forever.' She said and looked down as Reid slowly sat up. 'Morning kid genius.'

'Penelope?'

'Yeah sugar?'

Reid smiled, sleepily but happily. 'How you feeling today?'

'No mega hangover that I thought I'd have but I'm after some help.'

'Can I offer any help?'

'You're the number one to help me before the others can.'

'Hey, kid, help me get these guys up and we'll get the ball rolling. We need to get our oracle of all things known and unknown back.' Penelope let a giggle slip from her lips at that and Derek looked at her shocked, her face was as shocked as he felt. 'Laugh much lately?'

'I guess not.' Penelope shrugged. 'It felt good.'

'That's promising.' Derek said and then shifted to the end of bed. 'Wakey wakey guys!' He yelled out and they all woke up, their attention not going to the source of the wakeup call but going to Penelope, who smiled timidly.

'Morning my little heroes.' She said quietly and they all sat up, they knew that their friend was slowly getting back to them.


	6. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

* * *

Penelope was sat in the bullpen, at Derek's desk just waiting, it was coming down until a year since Battle and to say she was okay was an understatement.

The case this time was close to home which she was both thankful for and hated all the more. Her eyes flashed up to the clock, 14 minutes until the day marked a year. A year she'd survived him, the year she'd almost killed herself in and the year that she'd gained everything she wanted.

'Well is that a sexy Goddess in my seat or a mirage?'

'All great things in life are mirages handsome. Not learnt that one yet?' She teased back trying to keep a front on.

_11 minutes._

Her walls were sliding up, her energy leaving her every pore and her shield was now faulty. She saw JJ and Emily flash her a look, a smile on their lips, their eyes showing them that they would be ready and waiting when she needed them. She missed Rossi's look as he headed for his office, she just caught Hotch's and she couldn't miss Reid's. Derek approached her and knelt down in front of her.

_10 minutes._

'Remember our chat last night?' Derek asked and pushed a wild curl back out her face. 'You do not need to be strong for this.' He told her and squeezed her hand. 'You do not need to be brave.' He finished and took her into his embrace as she remained silent. He just held her there, her breathing just noticeable against his neck, it was calm and warm.

She pulled away, she was doing okay, she had him if she needed and right now she had everything she needed, everyone she needed.

_6 minutes._

The clock was winding down and Derek sensed what she was doing immediately. 'Told you I'd be home didn't I?'

'You did and you don't know how happy I am to see your face.' She told him happily. 'Have you got a report to write? If yes, I'm waiting, I don't want to be alone.'

'Come on everyone, dinner.' Hotch said as he left his office and went down the stairs. Penelope looked shocked. 'We're a family, we haven't gone through all of this in a year to just sit and leave you be throughout tomorrow.' He replied with a small smile and Penelope almost beamed at him. 'See, so I say we go celebrate.' Penelope raised an eyebrow as everyone looked on quizzically. 'You survived Penelope.' He reiterated and her eyebrow dropped and she closed her eyes as Derek kissed her cheek.

'I got another small matter to raise.' Derek said clearing his throat.

'Not you too.' Penelope groaned. 'I'm starving.'

'Well baby girl, this one involves you.' He said turning to face her, he then casually got on one knee and pulled a little velvety box from his jacket pocket and he smirked. 'How do you fancy being Penelope Morgan?'

Penelope twisted on her spot, almost childlike, a smile growing larger and larger. 'Does that include baby Morgan's?'

_1 minute._

'I bloody well hope so!'

'Well slide that ring on my finger cupcake you've got yourself a Penelope Morgan.' She retorted and Derek did so and stood up in one fluid movement.

_0 minutes._

'Clock watching is never a wise idea mamma.' He said and tapped nose before moving into a kiss. He didn't care who saw, he's baby girl was officially his now.

As she felt the weight of the new ring on her finger and her eyes traced the ticking second hand on the clock she realised that even if it'd been a hard year they'd all made it, with memories to serve them both good and bad but memories none the less. She now had what she wanted, she had what she needed. It might have taken her almost losing them but she got them back.

Now she had a future and thanks to her best friend he'd just eclipsed what Battle did, he'd just shadowed every doubt she ever carried from that night.

_**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**_

_**The End!**_

_**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**_

**A/N:** So there it is, the flip side to The Domino Effect Of A Man! Hope you enjoyed!!


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